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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25486942">Sex Ed 101 with Mr McKinley</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ESawyer/pseuds/ESawyer'>ESawyer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Connor decides he should teach District 9 sex ed for some reason, F/M, Humor, It is actually a bit serious but only a little, Just talked about obviously, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Sexual Humor I guess but no actual sex, This was inspired by a comment on one of my other fics lmao</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:35:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,298</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25486942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ESawyer/pseuds/ESawyer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Connor had a bit of a habit of doing things that were good in theory. Completely cutting ties with the Church that funded their mission to spread the word of Arnold Cunningham was good in theory. Coming out to his parents and telling them that he had a boyfriend was good in theory. Taking it upon himself to teach Sex Ed to District 9 was a good idea in theory.</i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or: Recent non-virgin Mormon missionary thinks he knows what he's talking about.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arnold Cunningham/Nabulungi Hatimbi, Elder "Connor" McKinley/Kevin Price, Elder Church/Elder Thomas (Book of Mormon Musical)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sex Ed 101 with Mr McKinley</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi!! </p>
<p>In another one of my fics Too Much, Too Soon (go read pls and thankyou), I offhandedly mentioned Connor teaching Sex Ed back when they were in Uganda, and then FangirlMess mentioned it in their comment and I, for some reason, took it upon myself to write it lol </p>
<p>Anyway, hope you enjoy this pile of human garbage disguised as fanfiction!</p>
<p>(Also, trigger warning for small mention of sexual assault)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Connor had a bit of a habit of doing things that were good </span>
  <em>
    <span>in theory. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Completely cutting ties with the Church that funded their mission to spread the word of Arnold Cunningham was good </span>
  <em>
    <span>in theory. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Coming out to his parents and telling them that he had a boyfriend was good </span>
  <em>
    <span>in theory. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Taking it upon himself to teach Sex Ed to District 9 was a good idea </span>
  <em>
    <span>in theory. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t like he had much of a choice of whether to do it or not; he and Kevin had fumbled around enough to work it out for themselves, but poor James still blushed whenever Chris held his hand and he felt sorry for Nabulungi for no other reason than Arnold was her boyfriend and he was almost certain that nothing was going right in that department for them. He also wasn’t ready to rule out that some of the other boys weren’t still in the closet, and felt like this was the best way to impart his sexual wisdom on them. When he had told Kevin this one night in bed, he had burst into laughter, throwing his head back and clutching his stomach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sexual wisdom?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he repeated, still laughing hysterically and Connor couldn’t get mad at him because he had a nice laugh </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>he was providing great eye candy by being too busy laughing to put on a shirt, “I was your first kiss </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>your first time! Sexual wisdom implies you’ve had sex with more than one person!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve never complained about my bedroom skills!” Connor huffed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wasn’t anything to brag about the first few times, babe,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor glowered at him as he got into bed, lying still as Kevin did his usual nighttime routine of wiggling around until he was sufficiently cuddled up to Connor. It was less about comfort, and more about trying to get as far away from the edge of the bed as possible because if his relationship with Kevin had taught him anything, it was that single beds were not meant for two people (it had also taught him that Mormon guilt was more debilitating than he had ever thought, but tried not to focus on that bit too much). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just think it’d be good, that’s all,” Connor said, “And I wanna be a teacher...” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“An </span>
  <em>
    <span>English </span>
  </em>
  <span>teacher,” Kevin said, voice slightly muffled from where his face was pressed against his neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor tutted, “Can’t you be my supportive boyfriend and help me organise?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can help you my refreshing your memory of what you need to teach,” Kevin said, propping himself up on his elbow and trailing a finger up his chest, “You know, in case you’ve </span>
  <em>
    <span>forgotten</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Connor couldn’t really find it in himself to say no to that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was surprisingly easy, setting up the actual lesson. Connor had been a little apprehensive that the charity who was sponsoring them - a charity that for young people who had left organised religion - would push back when he had emailed asking for condoms and lube, but they seemed more than happy to send him what he had asked for. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hadn’t been expecting a box quite as big as the one that arrived, but he wasn’t going to complain about it. Kevin had found it hilarious when he had walked in on him carefully putting together safe sex packages and Connor thought that even if it all blew up in his face and no one listened to him, it would be worth it just because Kevin had been laughing so much more than usual. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> at least take this seriously?” Connor asked over the sound of Kevin laughing after he’d discovered strawberry flavoured lube, “Chris already thinks that it’s stupid,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am taking it seriously!” Kevin exclaimed, “I just didn’t realise they could make flavoured lube!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor rolled his eyes, “It’s for oral sex - and </span>
  <em>
    <span>no, </span>
  </em>
  <span>we’re not testing it now,” he added just as Kevin opened his mouth. Kevin tutted and dropped the bottle back to the desk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Boring,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said not now, not never,” Connor said, “because </span>
  <em>
    <span>now </span>
  </em>
  <span>I need you to go the market and buy cucumbers or anything else penis shaped,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Kevin asked with a frown, "is my actual penis not enough now?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I’m going to teach everyone how to put condoms on properly,” Connor said, “So unless you want to get your dick out in front of everyone, take your butt off to the market and buy me some penis shaped fruits,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kevin groaned, “Fine, but I’m taking Arnold with me,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, taking the least mature member of the District to buy fruit for sex ed lessons seems smart,” Connor muttered as Kevin left the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once he had finished putting together the safe sex packages together (all with a little note that read ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Stay Safe and have fun!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>with cute little doodles of hearts that Kevin would have probably told him was a little bit much, but Connor didn’t think so - sex was about being safe, having fun and being </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Or cared for, at the very least, if you weren’t in a relationship with whoever you were having sex with. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Humming to himself, Connor put all the packages in a box and slid it underneath his desk, getting increasingly excited the more he thought about the actual lesson. After all, he wanted to be a teacher and if he could survive teaching a bunch of sexually frustrated ex-Mormons who probably hadn’t realised what their dicks could do until five months ago, he could probably teach anyone anything. (Admittedly, Connor himself hadn’t really been sure what his dick could do until he and Kevin had started dating, but he felt that now he was probably the most qualified to teach everyone about this). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Chris, have you told everyone about tomorrow?” Connor asked, sticking his head into the living room where he knew his mission companion would be ‘studying’ (really, he was just pretending to read his Book of Arnold). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“About your sex lessons? Yeah,” Chris said, “No one’s excited about it,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sex ed </span>
  </em>
  <span>lessons,” Connor corrected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lessons that me and Jamie don’t need, so we don’t have to be there,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes you do,” Connor said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Who died and made you the sex god?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Kevin and Arnold finally returned from the market (much later than Connor had expected them too), they were both in fit of giggles about something that Ghali had been doing in the village. Connor was much less interested in whatever Ghali had been doing, and much more interested in the fruit - the second thing that sent them into a fit of giggles.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you can’t be mature when talking about sex, you’re not mature enough to be having it,” Connor said, taking the bag off Kevin and then sighing, “Why’ve you bought a pineapple?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All dicks are different shapes and sizes, aren’t they?” Kevin shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but if someone’s dick is the size of a pineapple and also </span>
  <em>
    <span>spikey, </span>
  </em>
  <span>then maybe they shouldn’t be having sex.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Someone would be into that,” Arnold said, a little too confidently for Connor’s liking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We wanted to buy a cactus but there wasn’t any,” Kevin said, “because someone would definitely be into that, too,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Great!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Connor exclaimed, deciding it would be best to cut that conversation short, “Thank-you both for going to the market for me!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you need a refresher on what you’re going to teach tomorrow-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank-you, Kevin!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Connor yelled over the sound of Arnold laughing hysterically, “You’re both proselytising this afternoon, remember? Off you go,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arnold tutted as he stomped out of the room, Kevin following behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s the point in your boyfriend being the district leader if we can’t even get out of doing work?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Connor woke up the next morning much less excited that he had been in the weeks leading up to his ‘sex project’ that Kevin had christened it. Suddenly, the reality of talking to the other Elders about sex seemed as terrible as Chris had been saying that it had been for the last few weeks. He didn’t think that anyone was going to take him seriously, or that anyone was even going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>show up. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had not told anyone that the class was mandatory, but he was starting to think that perhaps he should have. He didn’t think there would be much point in it if only Kevin, Arnold and Nabulungi turned up. But even as he thought this, he remembered that the only person that had promised to be there was Nabulungi, and that was only out of pity. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Becoming more and more stressed as his thoughts dragged on, Connor rolled onto his side to stare at Kevin in the hopes that he would calm him down only to find that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>stare because at some point in the night, he had covered his head with a pillow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vaguely concerned about heat stroke or suffocation, Connor lifted the pillow off of Kevin’s face, only for him to snatch it back down seconds later. Snickering, Connor raised himself onto his elbow and thoroughly entertained himself by lifting the pillow ever so slightly and listening to Kevin whine and pull it onto his face again. On and on it went until Kevin groaned and flung the pillow across the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m awake,” Kevin mumbled, scrubbing a hand over his face, “What time is it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Quarter past six,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Why </span>
  </em>
  <span>am I awake?” Kevin asked, hiding his face in Connor’s neck, “We’ve still got fifteen minutes,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Class starts at half seven, I need you to help me set up,” Connor said, “Be my sexy teaching assistant?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it not enough to just be your sexy boyfriend?” Kevin groaned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not today, darling,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time Kevin had made it downstairs and Connor had slid a cup of coffee under his nose, he seemed much happier with his new role as teaching assistant, even going as far as offering to turn the living room into a classroom for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You go and prepare!” he said happily, “Leave it all to me,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As much as Connor knew that he should probably supervise whatever it was Kevin had planned, he was grateful for the extra time to prepare. As much sex as he and Kevin had (and sometimes he wondered if it was a little </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>much), he was still quite unqualified to be talking about sexual health. He could only teach from a gay point of view, which was probably quite unhelpful for the missionaries who were straight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beginning to regret everything, Connor hastily logged onto his computer (that he was shocked the Church hadn’t demanded he give back yet) and re-read the email that he had been sent by the charity. There wasn’t much to go off until read a line at the very bottom that had previously gone unnoticed: </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>...obviously we know that you aren’t qualified to talk about this sort of thing, so we’ve sent you some leaflets to give to the other boys!” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At once, Connor grabbed the box that had contained all the condoms and lube and rifled through it until he found what he had mistaken for packing slips. A bunch of leaflets titled, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Safe Sex is the Only Type of Sex!’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Grinning to himself, he quickly read over it before dropping them into the box full of his safe sex packages and hurried into the living room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Connor said softly, dropping the box onto the makeshift desk that was just their kitchen table, “This actually looks like a classroom,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kevin grinned at him as he finished setting up chairs in neat rows and pointed over to the chalkboard where he had written, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sex Ed 101 with Mr McKinley,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>in massive lettering, “Do you like it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love it, thank-you,” Connor said, kissing his cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I got you a present!” he said excitedly, taking an apple out of his pocket, “For my favourite ever teacher,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dork,” Connor muttered, but he put it on his ‘desk’ anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If I don’t pass this class, is there anything I can do for extra credit?” Kevin asked as Connor placed a leaflet and a sex package on each chair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can go and get all that fruit you bought from the market,” Connor said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kevin sighed and stomped away, muttering under his breath as he went, “That isn’t what I meant...” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once Kevin had returned with the fruit (and gone and put the Pineapple in the kitchen because </span>
  <em>
    <span>we don’t need it, Kev! We can eat it later!) </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Connor had practised putting a condom on each one in case he had somehow forgotten (he hadn’t), he skipped out into the garden where the others were waiting for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on!” he said happily, “Class is about to start!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A number of groans rose up around him, but he decided to ignore them. When he was a real teacher, not everyone would love him or his classes, so it was good practice to have to teach a group of teenage boys (and Nabulungi) who were probably wishing that they were somewhere else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s too warm in here,” Elder Schrader mumbled as he sat down, “Can someone turn the fan on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The fan is on,” Elder Davis said, pointing at the fan that didn’t seem to be doing much but blowing the hot air at them faster. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How long is this going to last, McKinley?” Schrader asked, “I’m worried about dying of heat exhaustion,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve all gotten this far without dying from heat exhaustion, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Connor said brightly, jumping up onto his desk and swinging his legs. He looked around at his missionaries, face falling when he realised that none of them looked particularly happy to be there. Only Nabulungi looked happy, sitting in the first row and poised to take notes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know this is a weird thing to talk about but it’ll help you all!” Connor said in a desperate attempt to get them interested. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elder Neely frowned as he looked down at his Safe Sex package, “Why have you given me lube? I’m not gay,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See!” Connor exclaimed, “This is why you need this! It’s not just gay men that use lube,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elder Zelder snorted, “Spot the virgin,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin!” Connor said quickly, “Which is something I’ll talk about if you all just shut up!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neely glared over at Zelder as he slumped in his chair, his arms folded. Connor sighed, his eyes flickering over to Kevin who gave him an encouraging smile and subtly held up a condom packet, eyes darting over to the fruit that was on his desk. It took Connor a minute to work out what he was hinting at, and he suddenly flushed at the thought of having to explain how to put a condom on. Surely it was just opening himself up to homophobic abuse that he had somehow managed avoid. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pushing that thought to the back of his mind because doing this was for a good cause, Connor passed out the various fruits and began explaining what he had thought was the quite simple task of putting on a condom. Only it turned out to be quite the opposite: Schrader couldn’t get the packet open, Arnold put his on inside out (much to Nabulungi’s horror), Chris somehow managed to roll his onto his hand (something that Connor didn’t think was possible, but greatly amused James) and Elder Neely split his. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well done, Neely. You just got a girl pregnant,” Kevin sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up, Price,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zelder suddenly broke out into a terrible coughing fit that sounded an awful lot like ‘spot the virgin’. After Connor had once again assured everyone that there really was nothing wrong with being a virgin, he talked them all through it again. It took a few more tries, but soon the entirety of District 9 could put a condom on properly, and Connor had never been more proud of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Remember you can’t re-use condoms,” Connor said sternly, “Once you’ve finished with it, you have to throw it away,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s the point in teaching us this if none of us are ever going to use them?” Schrader asked, “because aren’t most of us gonna go back to being properly Mormon after this? Sex outside of marriage is wrong and no one really uses condoms with their wives, do they?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We don’t know where we’re going to be after this,” Connor said, “and I know that I’ll probably still be using condoms when we go back,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you can’t get Price pregnant,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, why are we assuming that he’s getting me pregnant and I’m not getting </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> pregnant?” Kevin asked angrily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But condoms also protect us against STIs,” Connor said, electing to ignore his boyfriend, “which gay men - </span>
  <em>
    <span>and straight people</span>
  </em>
  <span> - can get. It’s better to be safe than sorry,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that it then?” Elder Michaels asked, going to stand up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? No!” Connor exclaimed, “I’ve still got more to teach you! Safe sex isn’t just about condoms, you know!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What else is there, then?” he asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor faltered for a moment as he looked down at his leaflet, desperately trying to think of something smart to say. He could practically feel the boredom radiating off the assembled Elder’s in front of him and was beginning to wonder if inviting someone from the charity would have been a better idea. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Consent!” he exclaimed suddenly, “Consent is about safe sex! Because it’s not sex if you don’t get consent!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He made a point of not looking at Kevin as he spoke; ever since they had started having sex, he had talked about consent to the point where it was probably annoying but he could never go through with it with just a simple ‘yes’. Sometimes Connor thought that it might have been easier for both of them if they actually talked about exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> Connor had to ask so often, but Kevin didn’t like to talk about it and Connor didn’t want to pry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Consent?” Michaels repeated, “If they ‘yes’ you do it, if you say ‘no’ then don’t. Simple,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor tutted, “It’s not that simple! People can change their mind halfway through, or - or they might say yes to you doing one thing but no to another thing! It’s important to keep on checking in on your partner, no matter how eager they seem,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, you expect me to ask <em>every time</em> I do something?” Michaels asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes!” Connor exclaimed, “It’s not difficult! Consent is the sexiest part of foreplay,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is a saying that you’ll never find on a t-shirt,” Zelder muttered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you should,” Connor said, finally looking over at Kevin who was staring down at his lap, “A-Anyway-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s this?” Schrader asked, looking down at his leaflet, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>‘A rarely talked about side of survivors of sexual abuse is hypersexuality where sex is often used to reclaim their body after-” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Okay!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Connor interrupted, “Um, that’s - yeah, that’s a....um...” he cleared his throat, refusing to look over at Kevin, “yeah, that’s a thing but...I don’t - it’s not...it’s not relevant, really...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So now I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>allowed to ask questions? Is talking about this not important? You were just talking about consent and what if one day I end up with someone who’s been rap-” Schrader broke off in a groan when James quietly cleared his throat and jerked his head towards Kevin, “Sorry, Price...” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kevin looked over at him and shrugged, “Whatever, dude, it’s fine...” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor cleared his throat, trying to put the attention on anything but Kevin who eventually looked up at tutted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fucking hell, if you want to talk about it you can. I’m not gonna have a breakdown,” he snapped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t - I don’t think we need to talk about it,” Connor said quickly, thankful that the rest of the district seemed to be in agreement, “Unless you...unless you want to, Kevin?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kevin shook his head, a muscle twitching in his jaw the same way it always did when he was angry. Connor cleared his throat again and ran a hand through his hair, he had been counting on this not being traumatic for anyone involved. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Q-Questions?” Connor asked, deciding not to add a pathetic, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>at the end. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we play Spot The Virgin?” Zelder asked, “my moneys on Davis,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before Connor could  stop them, bets were being placed on who were still virgins amongst them; he, Kevin, Chris, James, Arnold and Nabulungi were immediately disqualified, but Schrader was convinced that Arnold didn’t even know how to kiss until Nabulungi set him right. Most bets were on Davis and Michaels until James exposed his mission companion for losing it the day before he left for the MTC. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was she cute?” Schrader snorted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She broke up with him straight after,” James blurted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for telling everyone, buddy...” Michaels grumbled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So Davis is the Virgin,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, how many times have </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>had sex?” Neeley asked angrily, forever jumping to the defence of his best friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oral, so then it's not a sin," Zelder said brightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You try telling a bishop that. I’m sure he’d be very understanding,” Chris said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor cleared his throat, “There is nothing shameful about having sex or not having sex! Everyone is ready when they’re ready, whether that be when they’re married or before that. The Church shouldn't shame us for wanting to do something in the same way that </span>
  <em>
    <span>we </span>
  </em>
  <span>shouldn’t shame Davis for being a virgin!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Davis groaned loudly, “I’m not a virgin!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This exclamation was met with silence and, in some cases, scepticism. Even Connor couldn’t help but think that their sweet Davis could never have done something as depraved as have sex with someone. Connor didn’t even think he could do something as depraved as even hold a girl's hand. Davis, clearly picking up on the fact that no one believed him, tutted and rolled his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who defiled you?” Chris asked, sounding genuinely concerned, “Who are we fighting?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My </span>
  <em>
    <span>girlfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Davis said, “Am I not allowed to have sex or something?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, let Davis fuck!” Kevin exclaimed indignantly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I agree,” Nabulungi said, nodding her head, “Elder Davis should be able to fuck whoever he likes!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soon, the room was filled with enthusiastic chants of ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Let Davis fuck! Let Davis fuck!’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Connor was at a loss at what to do, very much feeling like a supply teacher who was well out of his depth. Poor Elder Davis was sitting with his head in his hands, Elder Neely trying his very best to shut them all up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took Connor slamming his hand down on his desk twice and threatening them all with a chore chart with no breaks in it for a week to shut them all up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, now that we’ve established that it’s perfectly okay to be a virgin-” </span>
</p>
<p><span>“Wait!” Zelder interrupted, “We still haven’t established who it is</span> <span>though!” </span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Am I the </span>
  <em>
    <span>only </span>
  </em>
  <span>one who’s stuck to the Law of Chastity?” Schrader asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I planned too, but then Chris came along,” James muttered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chris tutted and lightly punched his arm, “If you’re going to act like that, I’m never going down on you again,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor frowned and glanced around the room, wondering if perhaps his fellow missionaries - with the exception of Schrader - hadn’t been as wholesome as he had always thought they were. He wasn’t angry at them for having sex of course (because that would be beyond hypocritical), but had he known that most of them had had sex, he might not have put them through what had turned out to be a terrible sex-ed lesson. Perhaps he had been a little big headed to believe that he was the only person qualified enough to speak about sex. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, if most of you have actually had sex, how could you not put a condom on?” Connor asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If it’s going on Jamie’s dick, it’s a Jamie problem,” Chris shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did not need to know that,” Nabulungi said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My girlfriend put it on for me,” Michaels said, “Anyone ever seen that thing where girls put it in their mouth and then put it on you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nabulungi gagged, “Didn’t need to know that, either. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Honestly, </span>
  </em>
  <span>you boys are depraved!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’re allowed to say we’re depraved when your boyfriend is Cunningham,” Neely muttered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey!” Arnold exclaimed, “What’s wrong with me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like a list or a-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like to shut up?” Nabulugni asked with a sweet smile that somehow managed to convey, quite clearly that </span>
  <em>
    <span>if you carry on talking, I’m going to punch you in the mouth </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Connor could only dream of achieving that skill himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neely tutted and slouched down in his chair, looking like he always did: ready to commit a felony. Connor grimaced slightly and turned back to face the rest of the District, reminding himself to not go anywhere near Neely for at least three days. Before he could carry on talking, Zelder gasped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my </span>
  <em>
    <span>god!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he yelled, “It’s Neely! Neely is the virgin!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>And?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Neely demanded, jumping to his feet, his hands curled into fists as he stared Zelder down, “What are you gonna do about it, huh?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Boys!” Connor said quickly as Zelder moved to stand up, “There’s no need to argue! It’s like I was saying before - there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin! Everyone’s moving at their own pace, and no one should be forcing everyone to speed up or slow down,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not, but he was sure that he saw a flicker of relief flit across Neely's face as he slowly sat back down, visibly relaxing. Connor relaxed too, District 9 were officially one week argument free (the last being between Chris and Schrader about who used up all the hot water), and Connor was in no rush to suffer through another one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Seriously?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>James asked, “I really thought that you would have,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I, um...I don’t really know what I believe about Heavenly Father anymore but I - I really want to wait until marriage. I only want to share that part of myself with one person. Like I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you guys for having sex but I...I want to wait,” Neely said, his face flushing bright red, “There’s a girl back home, we’ve been together for a while and I’m gonna propose when I get back,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor smiled, “I’m happy for you, Elder. Sex happens for us all at different times and it doesn’t matter if it’s when we’re 19 or 32. All the matters is that we’re safe and we're happy,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His words didn’t have the desired effect. It didn’t inspire them like he had hoped; Chris rolled his eyes, Michaels pretended to vomit and Arnold dissolved into his usual fit of giggles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We know that, Con!” Chris snorted, “You don’t need to tell us to be safe,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Schrader stuck his hand in the air and Connor could have cried out of sheer relief. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Finally, </span>
  </em>
  <span>someone was taking what was a very important lesson seriously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Elder Schrader?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about lesbians?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Connor asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How do lesbians have sex? Cause with gay men I get it, but what about lesbians? What goes where?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not important,” Connor said quickly, “and </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>ask a lesbian that. It’s a weird question,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, leave lesbians alone!” Arnold exclaimed, “I’m gonna put that in the Book of Arnold,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor put his head in his hands as a rather heated discussion began about whether or not it was okay to ask a lesbian about how she had sex. Schrader argued that it was, not because he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>weird </span>
  </em>
  <span>but because he was honestly confused about it. Arnold pointed out that it was weird because no one should be asking anyone how they had sex. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re also never going to have lesbian sex so you don’t have to worry about it,” James pointed out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But </span>
  <em>
    <span>how?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Schrader asked, “How do they do it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Better than you will, I imagine,” Nabulungi said, “I think we should let Davis fuck and leave lesbians alone,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we put that on the rule board, McKinley?” Zelder asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor sighed, accepting defeat when he saw it, “Whatever. You can all go now,”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only Kevin remained once the room was empty, not quite looking Connor in the eye. The fact that he could barely look at him wasn’t a great sign, but he at least wasn’t hiding from him. Connor stayed silent for a moment, giving Kevin the chance to start the conversation that they both knew they needed to have. When he didn’t speak, and instead turned back to looking down at his lap, Connor slowly jumped off the desk and sat on the chair next to him with a gentle hand on his thigh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Connor said, “I should have read those leaflets before I gave them to everyone out,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kevin shook his head, “No, it’s okay. This was all about safe sex. You can’t talk about safe sex without mentioning...you know,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve never talked about it,” Connor said, “Not really,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want me to?” Kevin asked, finally turning to look at him, “Do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>want to know exactly what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I didn’t - I didn’t mean that because I - well...” Connor stumbled over his words, “I just meant how you feel about it,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like shit,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor sighed and stared at the ceiling, feeling more out of his depth than he usually did. Anything that was surface level, he could deal with; they had unspoken routines for every depressive episode, nightmare and panic attack, but those routines were just cuddling when Kevin asked, and leaving him alone with coffee and food when that was what he wanted. Talking about it wasn’t something they ever did. Sometimes it felt like Kevin was so closed off that he didn’t even like talking about how he felt about the weather. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kevin took his hand and knocked their shoulders together, “Sorry. That was unhelpful,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The, um...the hypersexuality thing,” Connor said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s important to me that I can give myself to you like that,” Kevin said, “it’s important that he didn’t take that away from me,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He didn’t take anything from you,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He did,” Kevin said, “He took my pride, my dignity, my virginity, my sense of self worth but...being able to have sex and being able to be with you it - it helps me bring it back. I feel like myself again. And it’s not - it’s not all sexual. I don’t want you to think that I’m just using you for sex,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Connor wanted to point out that virginity was a social construct but decided to stay quiet and instead turned to face Kevin, gently brushing his lips against his cheek. Kevin closed his eyes and pushed into the touch. Connor smiled against his cheek and dropped his forehead to Kevin’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want you to be able to talk to me about it,” Connor whispered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll get better at it, I promise,” Kevin said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I want you to go to therapy when we get back to America,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He felt Kevin tense and he looked up at him, eyebrows raised, “I can only do so much for you, darling. You need better help, </span>
  <em>
    <span>real </span>
  </em>
  <span>help, from someone who actually knows what they’re doing,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Kevin said, “You’re right. I will - I will go to therapy. I promise,” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think the entire district is going to end up in therapy after that god awful lesson,” Connor sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kevin laughed and put his arm around his shoulders putting him into it, “You’re still my favourite teacher, Mr McKinley. Besides, we all learned two valuable lessons today.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We did?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, we should let Davis fuck and leave lesbians alone,” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let! Davis! Fuck! </p>
<p>Thank-you for reading and I'm sorry if you actually did</p></blockquote></div></div>
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